I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
