Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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