Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
