The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
