i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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