The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
