I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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