u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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