They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
