PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
