And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
