Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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