Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think a kid would responsible me up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
did you just send me my own nude
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
