soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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