i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
