Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
