I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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