just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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