She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
