I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
