to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
