she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
