Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
