If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
