i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
