i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize