i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
