My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
