I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
