i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
