she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
