Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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