you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
