i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
