I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
