My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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