Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
