just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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