ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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