on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
