conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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