Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
