Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am one with the molecules
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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