I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
