good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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