Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
