there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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