At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
