everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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