How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
