My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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