Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
