So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
