She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
