Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Shame - the story of my life.
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