can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
