it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
