I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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