Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
