I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
